That's what time it is RIGHT NOW.
We'll see how long I type tonight. Hopefully not too terribly long as I've got to find my Prilosec and I have to pee.
But that's not saying much, as I am a terrific procrastinator, and my mind-over-matter skilz rock.
Anyway.
This year has been so busy. I'm thinking back to January, and the end of Year End 2003 at work--and then Dad's surgery, and then Serena moving, Eero moving in, mentoring and losing the trainee and now mentoring again, my sister's wedding, Rene's going away party, trip to Chicago. It's all blurring in my head, too much at one time.
It's kind of like putting a crayon on the dashboard of the car in July. I could say it melts, but in all reality it just takes on a different form...perhaps the wrapper is on the inside now, the outside is three feet long and splattering on the floor mat. Yeah, it's all melted up inside the old brain pan.
Makes it hard to keep it all straight. Lately I'm having trouble focusing on anything. Last weekend was kind of an exception. You know when I was a kid I got into trouble for being bossy all the time--"Stop telling your siblings what to do, maybe ASK them," blah, blah, blah. Last weekend we surprised Dad with a new office, something that we do every year on the first weekend of deer hunting. It's always fun and interesting, and always turns out well. This year, however, we weren't as prepped as say, last year when we did the kitchen. This year was a lot more moving and a lot more work, which was needed...I think.
First we had to move the bed in my brother's old room into my sister's old room. Then the daybed upstairs in the "office" into my brother's old room. Then everything had to come out of the office. Piles and piles of it. I felt like we were actually on Clean Sweep and at any moment we'd have to set up a rummage sale. Luckily there was no chick w/ whistle to keep us on track. Anyway...we got everything moved and painted, and then we had to put together the desk Mom bought.
Which should have been a piece of cake except for the fact that Sara and Beth were putting together peices as they went, and Mom was busy counting every. little. connector. and. screw. *sigh* All in all by the time I asked if I could help, we had to dismantle a bunch of it and then put it back together. I got frustrated with my sister Sara because she kept saying, "Should have gotten it from ikea." After comment Numero Seventy-Four, I just got pissed and said, well, we didn't get it at ikea, so we have to deal with what we have--in other words drop it! Annoyance. Garg.
Dad loved it, which was the main idea. We found a pic of him and his 69 Dodge Charger, blew it up and framed it, and put a collage of his license plates up on the wall too. The walls themselves turned out superb--a nice deep blue-gray with green undertones. It dried to a rich turquoise, but nothing overpowering.
The whole weekend for me centered on keeping everyone involved focused. We work well together as a team, my sisters and mom, but it's hard to get everyone on track and keep them there. For all the years of "stop bossing me around" I ended up doing just that.
But then when it came time to head home, since my car had a tire issue the week before and Dan had dropped me off on Friday, I was back to being supported and held up by my sister again--can I have a ride, etc. (The car thing was this WHOLE THING--the front inner tie rods are wearing the insides of the front tires bald--which sucks. Anyway on voting tuesday I called home on my way home from work to let Dan know I was en route--and then the car kind of made this flopping noise and I had to ask for a pick-up. Just finally got a new tire this morning. I need a new car.)
Which brings me back to my focus issue. Why is it that putting together a desk I can be so utterly focused, so one-minded and completion oriented, and then when I have to think about a car, or a different job, anything--I run into this brick wall and what started out as a "Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeet's go!" turns into a "I'd rather be sleeping."
Gah.
Well, it's 9:35 now. Night all.
1 comment:
*ponders this* Maybe it's because a desk, even when it is fragmented and strapped together in a cardboard box, is a very finite project. Everything is lettered out and counted out, and you get that weird set of instructions that reads kind of like abstract art. But even still, there are only so many ways you can put together a desk, and even fewer of those are the right ways. Even with a haphazard plan, you can only work on putting together a desk for so long before it's finished. What I'm getting at is that it's a project that is very structured, and there aren't a lot of variables involved (we'll not count broken nails :P).
But with a career, or even with car shopping, there is a plethora of variables and unknowables. You make one step today, and you could find yourself regretting it for the next 15 years. You make an inadvertent error tomorrow that turns out to be the shot in the arm that your career needed. And you can't predict what will happen. It's impossible. It's also incredibly daunting. It's so much easier to think about your career, get overwhelmed, and go read a book instead. I think that you and I are a lot alike, in that respect. ^^
It would be so nice if car-buying and career-go-getting operated a lot like putting together a desk, where you buy a prepackaged career and it comes with everything you need, complete with instructions. It would sure make things a lot less intimidating. But I think you can apply that whole 'one step at a time' principle to job searching and such; it does make it a lot less daunting when you tackle it bit by bit, instead of trying to take on the world all at once.
Don't know if it's helpful at all. I only exorcise my inner philosopher when I'm sick. :P
--Sara
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