so i get sidetracked easily. anyone who knows me is aware of this. shiny, glittery objects, as well as things that look boring, are all quite distracting to me.
today it was time. i asked dan the other day if he wanted to go out at some point. today i got done with work early and it seemed natural that he would say, so what're we up to tonight?
and i, of course, said, um, i dunno.
i never plan anything. it just doesn't occur to me. if i plan something it falls through, or just never comes to fruition. i always overthink things, too. if i do something today, how will it affect tomorrow, so on and so forth. i talk myself into avoidance.
it's strange to think about it like that. it's like i'm cheating myself out of time by trying to avoid being shackled by it. i'm not sure i'd be able to change if someone paid me. i just don't like having to think, when i'm not being paid at work to think about it, what i should do next, and like even less having to decide.
what's the difference between losing time as i sit here typing and not planning tomorrow or just waiting and wasting time then?
cari's tony said something at one point about not being bound by the constraints of time.
maybe i ought to be? i'm not sure. time seems immortal enough that i'm never in a terrible rush, that i'm never worried about when i'll next see someone. it will happen when it happens, it will happen when it needs to happen.
can you be too much in the moment? so much that you miss out on living?
or am i just overthinking? can you steal your own tomorrow?
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