creation

that's a big word. right now, i mean. i'm sitting here, having just spent the last few hours poring over palladium books w/ eero and corpse. eeeeeeeeeeee. i'm not into math but i suppose i like looking at catalogs enough sit here and poke around for this length of time.

i've got this story cooking around in the back of my head. just simmering. i've been working on it forever but it's got no end in s ight and so many frayed edges that i'm at a loss as to how to get them all put back together. if i stand back and look at it it reminds me of a patchwork quilt--with no discernable pattern. *sigh* someday i'll learn to be a little more linear.

and the moon will turn out to be made of gouda.

i'm not an organized person. chaos is my aura and lifeline. i feel much more comfy in a place that's consistently fluctuating than a world that has limits and lines and borders. just not my bag.

which is i think why my current occupation bothers me to the degree it does.

i dislike being told what to do. i dislike letting people down. i dislike having people pissed off at me. i dislike paperwork and filing and all that other crap from which Office Space sprung. naked, as athena from the head of zeus... blah blah blah.

anyway i've had this issue building up for ages at work and of course today it all came to a head. too much work, too much work, too many new hires asking questions and too many clients taking up my time--this equals disaster of paperwork building up on the desk, and consequently, management interest.

can i get this all done by friday? god only knows. there are not enough hours in the day, days in the week, etc. i have essentially been given the tools to create this mess...and no tools to dig myself out.

i'm feeling slightly wrathful at the moment. also tired and somewhat boggled, by nothing important. just life handing me the door and no key. same old drill. tomorrow night we have another meeting, after work, after hours, to discuss how to deal with everyone's individual profiles of how we deal with the world around us.

gah.

on the flip side, we might be getting another kitty. cathy's got someone with a new baby who's allergic to kitties, and the family has an 8 yr old abyssinian mix who's got allergies herself. so that's a big maybe. i'm not sure how shiva would handle having another cat in the house, and i'm not sure how i would do either; this kitty needs a shot once a month for her allergies. who knows. thursday we're supposed to stop by the savagedorm and dan apparently has some fun stuff to play for them--some new richard cheese he just got.

anyway i'm off to bed. cheers (: