things overheard

i think sometimes i am on constant alert, waiting to hear anything. i think that adds to my easy-to-scare factor, because i'm quite attuned to the world around me, and if something makes a noise, i'm jumpy.

so yesterday i'm out in the 40 acre park near our house. i'm happily tromping through the snow, slipping around on the layer of ice underneath, and cleaning my sunglasses off every few hundred yards or so because the snow is coming down so quickly. perfect hiking weather, at least for me. the whole time i'm hiking, i'm trying to block out the sounds of planes and cars--the low hum of mechanics whirring--and trying to focus on the small bird sounds and any rustles in the woods i might hear that signify a squirrel, or scarier, that coyote that scared me and serena a while back.

nothing. just the planes and automobiles. frustrating.

i focus on it anyway. hiking is like walking meditation for me, and having to focus is good.

about a quarter mile in, i start hearing this low thumping, grinding noise. sounds like bulldozers having sex--whump grrrrr, silence...whump grrrrr, silence...so on and so forth. i realize that the path i've chosen is bringing me closer to the pump station they're building on the edge of the park. yippee.

i had to admit defeat. it's difficult to focus on your inner peace of mind when all you can think is about two bulldozers poised in the act. i finished my walk and went home, a bit saddened by the fact that i didn't get out of it what i wanted to.

but then consider the area. i'm not walking in lake bemidji state park, or just down the road in bemidji; the habitats of beasties down here is different, including the human ones. i think it's the sounds and smells that get to me the most--i have a hard time accepting the gasoline perfume, or the sounds of the city, the pulse of activity that is based around electronics and engines.

with the one bum ear, i can't say that it's probably as loud for me, being as i live my life in a little bubble of random sounds as it is. but when i'm out in the woods, i have this preconceived notion that it's going to be quiet, and i don't have to block out what i don't want to hear, or listen hard for what i do want to hear: silence and the scurry of forest.