For the mentally ill
What is your diagnosis?
so far, my dg is ADHD with dysthymia and some kind of anxiety disorder yet to be determined.
When were you diagnosed?
ADHD about three weeks ago, dysthymic depression...last week.
How long do you believe you have suffered from mental illness?
i cannot remember a time that i wasn't displaying one or another of the symptoms of ADHD, but depression did not set in until i was in my teens. it's been with me ever since.
What medications are you taking for your disorder?
so far, none. my t-doc is creating a report to give to my general doc, who will actually write the perscription.
Tell us about an episode.
well, i'm always ADHD, and i'm always living in a gray world. sometimes the gray of dysthymia is punctuated by a major depression, which is what i'm feeling i'm in right now. i can't sleep for more than a few hours, i don't care to eat, i just don't care.
as for ADHD, that feels like looking into a kaleidoscope. you're trying to see the pattern but all you can do is be wrapped up in the beauty--you're looking into a small canister and seeing this whole other universe. it feels the same way with focusing on the world at large: i can see the beauty and the horror, but i am so distracted by those things that i cannot see the pattern.
Do you feel ashamed about suffering from a brain disorder?
sometimes.
the foundation of a disease is that it causes the carrier dis-ease. you're not comfortable in your own skin. you're not comfortable in the skin of the world. you're not at ease; you're on edge. it doesn't feel like i should be ashamed so much as it feels that i should find some way to be "normal"--even if that is only a setting on your washing machine.
i am ashamed of my behavior when it causes me distress at work or with friends and family. i'm ashamed that it's taken me so long to seek help. i'm ashamed that i cannot control it myself, the way that i can try to control my blood pressure by eating less salt and walking more. i wish that there was some way to "fix" me without having to take another pill.
What advice do you have for other sufferers?
keep going. find something to care about that has no one else to care about it--i have cats, and one plant; if i'm not paying attention, one of the two brings me back to reality quite forcefully. (;
try to have good humor; it helps when the lights go out to not mind if you cannot locate the candles straight off.
What advice do you have for those who don’t suffer from your condition?
be gentle. be considerate. be kind. don't judge.
Is there anything you want to say to Tom Cruise?
my mother raised me to this standard: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. minnesotan? yes. inflammatory? nope. if i'm allowed to live in my own little niche of the world, then tom can go live in his. quietly. (;
this next part is for the "unafflicted" but i'm going to answer anyway because at one point or another in my life, i used to be undiagnosed, which isn't unafflicted...but carries with it a different stigma.
For the unafflicted
Do you believe in mental illness?
i have always believed in mental illness. it's not just an idea; it's chemical.
Are there any mentally ill persons in your family? What is their disorder? Are they compliant with taking their medication or resisting?
i have aunts and uncles who suffer from severe to moderate depression. i'm sure most of my siblings are ADHD, just undiagnosed. my uncle who suffers from depression takes his meds regularly. many of my family are alcoholics or recovering alcoholics. i have cousins who believe they're jesus, but that's neither here nor there. (;
Are you afraid of the mentally ill?
i think when i was a kid, i used to be. i was always petrified of waking up one day and being schizophrenic. i guess i was scared of other people being mentally ill but in the same way i was afraid of my grandpa (who didn't have teeth and was difficult to understand).
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