muscles

so i took this gig weekends at the renaissance festival, west of here, being an assistant stage manager. as with all other things involving theatrical people, the drama was palpable the moment i got there, and just got worse the longer i remained. but it's something that i'm used to, either at work or at home, for the better part of my life, and something that i can handle.

i hauled water and ice, moved tables, took out the huge garbage can. it's more of a support position and janitorial duty than really being any kind of stage manager. in fact, my stage manager himself, sonja, doesn't seem to be terribly involved at all with what is going on. which is disheartening and a bit annoying.

i guess when i was a stage manager, not to toot my own horn, i ran a tight ship. it's a tad frustrating, now.

but it's good to get out of the house. dan's trying his hardest to keep his chin up despite adversity; i do understand that. wander over to his blog (wastedscenes.blogspot.com) and check it out--he's come up with his own version of his own tao, his own philosophy on life. some of it is very profound, some of it is just like that ship that's no longer my own--frustrating, because i cannot change his mind.

i keep going back to epictetus' ideal, his philosophy that we often cannot change the situation in which we find ourselves, but we can change our reaction to the situation.

it's like flexing a mental muscle.

my shoulders are hurting; it reminds me of what i did this weekend. it reminds me of all things festival--the front that's put up, the characters assumed, the smell of food frying and the sound of the cannon, booming over all manner of laughter and cries.

sometimes when you flex your muscles, the impression stays with you for a while. you get cramps and aches in places you'd rather not consider. it makes a dent in your psyche, i think, to do manual labor. stimulating your whole body, in my opinion, stimulates your whole mind. it's the idea of blood going all over, rushing, rushing. you're focused on something other than what's roiling in your head, so you can focus more clearly on it. you're removing yourself from the situation, merely by raking the yard or hauling planks.

i think too that once your body is exhausted, once it is fed and watered and brushed down in the manner of a draft horse, your mind can unwind and stretch, and that is when the real thinking can begin.

i'm learning that there are many ways to move through life--some are sedentary, like this typing motion in which i'm moving now, and some are active, like scooping ice into silver pitchers. both occupy your hands, and both allow your mind to continue thinking along other paths. some of my best thinking is done while i'm driving. but that's just me. i also know that after doing something very manual and basic all weekend, it allows me to flex things that aren't flexed on a daily basis, muscles that i normally ignore, like these aching shoulders, which is nothing a good heating pad, time and the odd back rub cannot solve. it gives me something else to focus on, something active.

it doesn't mean that i won't go for a walk tonight; i need to keep that up, too. so tie your shoes, bam bam, just because we're doing laundry tonight doesn't mean that you're getting out of a good walk. (;

off to work. hugs all.