friday morning

which i'm sure ya'll will surmise by the date on the blog. LOL

so this morning i woke up early with the intention of getting a load of laundry done prior to heading out to work. only to discover that i have no quarters. *sigh* which kind of makes laundry impossible. *sigh again.*

on the flip side, i need to pack because i get to go to my parents' tonight, tomorrow and for a bit of sunday (depending on when my sister picks me up) for girlie weekend and scrapbooking; it's our birthday gift to my mom, as we couldn't be there for her birthday. i still haven't found a car, so i'll be housebound when i'm there, mainly because i can't borrow my sister's car (it's a stick. :P and so far our lessons have only progressed to "how to get into first gear" LOL) hopefully after i get a new car i'll be able to drive up and actually SEE you, sara!!! that would be enormously fun. (: (: (: i think i'll be doing a lot of belated visiting after the new car issue is surpassed. (:

*sigh* and it's friday. just thinking about work right now makes me want to run screaming from my house, preferably naked, as that might give me more jail-time than if i just ran clothed from the house. management is from another planet, i have been now totally convinced, where i was just on the path to enlightenment before yesterday. i've got overtime that they want me to use up. today would be the day i have to use it up. i have two meetings scheduled AT THE SAME TIME at 915, both ok'd by the same person, and then we have two people leaving early (noonish) to go have various medical procedures. and then more meetings this afternoon. to top that off, i'm unable to leave early as my shift ends at 530 and since i'm the most tenured person until that time, i cannot be let off early. *sigh, for the third time in one blog. garg!*

i just don't get it.

the feeling of wanting more out of work is dichotymous with another feeling i experienced yesterday--made stranger by my horoscope from a few days ago, which said that i should expect to have to accept something without being able to give in return at the same time. something like that. i like giving much more than i like receiving. one of my clients came in yesterday with all these things for me--a huge 2 1/2 foot frasier fir wreath, a kite, and a picnic basket of goodies (read: fudge, cookies, lemon poppyseed bread, all hand made). it was an astounding amount of thanks, and i don't feel i deserve it.

course, i don't feel like i deserve a lot in this world unless i do it for myself. it's why i remain at a job at which i don't feel too important, and which is driving me nuts currently. i don't like the thought of someone slaving over something for me, because that might make me important to someone, and for some reason, i have this need to be forgotten. i think that's why i'm not a very consistent correspondent--i just assume that i don't mean much to the people around me.

and then something like this happens--or a card arrives in the mail (ie that hamster card from sara! ROFL!), an email from someone i haven't heard from, a random hug from my SO, and i'm reminded that i AM somebody, to a lot of people. it's very humbling. again, still makes me want to crawl under a rock. LOL my mom said something a while back about how she didn't understand how she could raise four children, all of whom had both no idea of their worth, and never felt deserving of anything. i think it came from being raised by two people who felt the same way, just never professed it vocally.

so now that i'm done being profound pre-shower, and having my little ego boosting humility moment, i'm off to work. cheers all (: