underwhere

yesterday we were supposed to do laundry. today, too. however work (where i am now, just logging off my computer) has been intruding on everyday functions for the last week and a half now.

it's been busy--too busy to think. last week on thursday i stood looking at all my pill bottles, wondering if i had just taken my meds...but no, it was yesterday night.

so today, after work, i need to go forage at wal-mart for underwear.

clothing seems extraneous lately. in fact, most of life seems extraneous.

saturday we went and saw the bodyworlds exhibit at the science museum--very, very humbling. the intricacy of the human body is mirrored only in the intricacy of nature. our tendons stretched between bone are twigs, our veins and arteries the root systems of a tiny new plant.

bodies on display seemed at first glance to be something shocking. but by the end of the show, when we were about to leave, i didn't want to go. i wanted to linger, sit down and just look. really, really look.

there was no smell; i've been in a morgue before, at a university, and there's this fabulous odor pervading everything--death and latex and embalming fluid. this smelled vaguely like tupperware.

not to downplay things. this was a serious exhibit, and you could tell that a lot of people were affected. it's one thing in minnesota to hunt and fish, to gut your stag or clean out a trout. it's another thing to be faced with the mortality of the human form, grotesque and lovely.

somewhere in this empty building, someone is yelling and shouting and pounding on a wall; probably bored in the finishing area. it gives me the same feeling in my chest--light and afraid--that remained after we left the museum on saturday.

last week i worked 58 hours. so far this week, after two days, i'm at 22.75. i'm tired. i'm sick of being in this gray cube, four walls and an uncomfortable desk. so why do i linger?

because i'm feeling vaguely overwhelmed, watching my fingers skim over keyboard as i type.

i need to go and purchase a layer of clothing. under this layer of pink skin, under the layers of flesh and fat and muscle, those tendons flex and swing. i cannot see them; they're under so many layers of body that they're hidden.

buying clothing, when you're already clothed in so many layers, seems plain old silly.

then again, i just can't bring myself to go commando. (;