get me to the church on time

so my friend burt is getting married today. i'm quite glad for him; i didn't think burt the mountain man would ever find a gal, after the last stalker-chick relationship that was so horrible. but kate's perfect for him, and it'll be fun to watch them get hitched.

the bummer is that the reception is about 90 miles away from the wedding. wedding is at noon; reception is at 4. huh? i'm sure it was logistics and all. but with the price of gas...ouch. i'm sure we'll go, because some of our other friends will be attending, and we don't get to see them too often...again, painful pump prices...

so yeah. it kind of shoots the afternoon in the foot, as well as the evening. i don't know how long the reception is supposed to go, but we're going to drive home afterwards, instead of staying overnight in a hotel near the reception. it's kind of a play it by ear type of thing.

the title reflects why i'm typing now, instead of ironing like i oughta be, or showering, primping, all that crap girls like to do prior to events. i'm perpetually late, and i guess it's my penchant for being distracted by EVERYTHING that makes it so.

***

on wednesday i went shopping for a book i wanted to give to the happy couple: the prophet, by kahlil gibran. they're doing a reading out of it, and burt said he'd never read the rest, so there you have it.

anyway, kim the distractable is in the bathroom of barnes and noble when i hear two or three other shoppers come in. i'm putting my jacket on and finding my lip gloss in the neverending pit of my purse, and one of the voices rings in my head and sounds like serena's.

so thursday morning i sent an email to another friend attending, kind of ashamed that i was even asking, whether or not she was going to be coming to the wedding. i was told she couldn't make it.

again, i don't feel like popping her in the noggin. i don't feel like i have much to say to her. but it's annoying--like a mosquito you can't find in the dark of night, humming and buzzing away.

eventually, on those hot summer nights when you're already sapped by the heat, you fall back asleep, knowing that it will bite you anyway, but knowing that it's better than lunging around the room at 3 am with a book and the lights on, springing off the bed at walls and such. the small bite is a sacrifice you're willing to make, just to go back to sleep.

despite all of its loud buzz, the mosquito is very small.

which is how i'm thinking about this. the world's a small place; my dad regularly bumps into people from his hometown of about 500, on various areas of the continental US. it stands to figure that we're all mingling at this gigantic worldwide reception--and i'm bound to bump into people that rub me the wrong way, or people i'd rather avoid.

however, i don't want that to ruin the event itself. i don't want to run away if i see serena. i used to do that, when i was younger--i had this job while in college that i despised, mainly because my boss was a complete bitch-ass. i quit; but again, small town--she came through my line when i started working at the grocery store. my stomach was in knots as i rang up her groceries and made small talk, but afterwards the panic rose and i had to go into the bathroom for a few moments to let it roll over me and onto the next person.

i was talking to my friend nathan, a few days after that. he asked me something that has given me a step towards my own growth of a spine: "kim, why do you give her such power over you?"

i couldn't answer that question at that time. but after i found out that serena wouldn't be there, i chided myself for even worrying. was this going to detract from my enjoyment of the reception, if she was there? probably, to be honest. i'd be worried about dan, and what i would say if she approached.

i didn't want to be the chick on yahoo! news with the headline: GUEST RUINS WEDDING WITH BRAWL; RECEPTION HALL BURNS TO GROUND.

so i have to keep making serena smaller in my mind. i feel like if i say her name enough, it will become as normal as saying "couch" or "plate" or any other word. i have to remember that i'm at this giant party and maybe it took me a while to show up--the perpetually late thing, again--but i'm here, and the tiny buzz of one mosquito cannot control my emotions.

***

so. onto the Location of the Nylons, and the Finding of the Dress Shoes. i still have to decide what to wear.

*sigh*

this is why i'm never on time. too much rustling around in my head. i suppose if i could use an iron on those rustled thoughts as easily as i can on my pants, i'd be in business.