does life come in chewable pill form?

first of all, the wedding was lovely. the priest did a jig twice during the service (yes, an actual jig. i thought he was having a seizure at first, but he was dancing. apparently it was his last mass EVER as a catholic priest; he's leaving the priesthood. dan said, "i'd dance too.") and the reception, though a long ways away, was nice. i just wasn't in a mood to dance, all pms-y and tired and feeling like a hermit forced into a social butterfly's costume.

weddings, in my mind, suck. it's a HUGE amount of money being spent on one day of your life--money that in my mind could go towards so many different things. and is it really the happiest day of your life? my mom always said the day she had her kids was the happiest day of her life, and dad agreed. i suppose that's spending money on something different, but still...

that being said, i don't want to get married by a judge in a courthouse. i'd like to have my family near, and a few friends. but not everyone i've ever known, and certainly not my extended family. there's just too many of them, especially on my mom's italian side.

my ideal wedding would be an outdoor party, with orderves and maybe some barbeque chicken sandwiches, vegetarian for friends who don't do meat. i'd like everyone to show up and mingle, have a glass of lemonade, chat, etc. after about half hour or so, have the officiant call attention, and instead of sitting in neat rows, just have the ceremony with everyone gathered around in a circle. then afterwards, cake and bocce ball, or something fun that's not a dance.

or just rent a restaurant--my choice would be stephano's, across the street; it's a little italian place. have dinner and drinks, then the service right there, and ta-da! you're done. course that can't be very cheap, either.

and as dan pointed out, there'd be a lot of miffed family members if they didn't receive even an invite. i just don't want to spend too much on something like this. my mom suggested a cake and champagne wedding, which is what they had--just the wedding and the reception just with cake, etc. but when my sister tried this, my mom vetoed it, and came up with money for sara to have a reception for the whole crew.

it was very nice, and i doubt sara regrets any of it, but it's not my style. i don't want a big church thing; i want small and laid back. i don't want a white dress...well, not necessarily. (; i just don't know what dress i would wear...but that would just require shopping trips, and i'd be fine with those.

but i don't want to just stand in the courthouse, or elope to wisconsin. i like organizing a party; i just don't enjoy being the center of attention.

i wish that the answer could come in the same size tablet as my blood pressure medication--so tiny, but keeping my veins in order all the same. course, if that was the case, there ought to be an answer for world hunger and violence and everything else, too. an answer to questions without answers, and to answers that come with too many questions.